So convinced am I that Belgian is a surreal county, I think I might have put my own twist or certainly translation onto the rules which were announced yesterday concerning social distancing measures to ensure fans’ safe enjoyment of Belgium’s national footie team at the Euros. Apparently mayors have been instructed to make sure that the big screen they erect on their town or village square can only be viewed by the number of fans who have a ticket to enter the viewing area. They must ensure the screen is well hidden from those cheeky neck-craners, who’ll congregate outside the sacred area and stop at nothing, and certainly not 1.5 meters, to catch a sneaky peak of the Red Devils in action. Secondly, inside the area, if you are drinking alcohol you must remain seated and in a group of 4. If on the other hand you are simply quaffing a soft drink you may stand up and allegedly you may form a group of 10. How on God’s green earth are people going to remember which position they are supposed to assume when all the fun and frenzy starts? And surely there’ll be an exception for drinkers to stand up when their team scores?! I mean as long as they remember to count their group members first and surely if they wave their “I’ve been vaccinated certificate in the air” alongside their flags and whilst blowing on their vuvuzelas. Oh no, I guess the latter will certainly be banned due to the risk of spittle flying out of the end… (Last year the government advised all Belgians to absolutely avoid boozing inside with friends as apparently the excitement caused by alcohol causes us to raise our voices which in turn makes our saliva far more likely to fly into the face of our conversation partners)! Honestly, I kid you not! It’s enough to put you off dinner parties for life or at least make you want to make those pvc face-shields a permanent accessory! Anyway, back to the footie… maybe it’s better to just squint in the sunlight that’s reflected off your own hastily dragged into the garden TV screen and where you can stand, sit, Mexican Wave, lie down or even fall down in any combination and in the safety and comfort of the bosom of your nearest and dearest… they’re probably already immune to a random flying blob of your passionately propelled spittle anyway!
Just in case your not quite convinced that things are a tad “surreal” over here… here is the government’s latest “Bob” campaign – “Bob” is Belgian for don’t drink and drive… “Bob” is your designated driver 🙂